COMING OF AGE MOVIES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
Spoiler: Kirsten Dunst is in 4 of these movies. And Gabbi Hoffman is in 2 of them so that’s saying something!
Another spoiler: A couple of these are not technically “coming of age”, meaning that the age range of the featured characters starts at 12 and goes up to 30. Making this list, I realized that I don’t view “coming of age” as an age range. I see it more as a time where you’re figuring life out and finding yourself.
What all of these movies have in common is that, no matter what age I watched them, or what age the characters are, they made me feel less alone. Each of these movies affirmed for me that I was allowed to be loud, different, smart, ambitious, all of which were things I knew I was but it took watching movies like the ones listed here to really believe it was okay.
These movies were so key in my own development. As I am writing this, I am realizing how important it is for people to see themselves in media, especially if you are or feel different. It can, and in my case definitely did, save lives.
We should be making more movies about people of color growing up or just living. We need more Black stories. And queer stories. And differently-abled stories. And trans stories. We need stories of all types of people. And I don’t mean stories about these people overcoming crazy obstacles to become wildly successful, or historical stories, or stories solely about their identity and the struggles that come with it.
I am talking about stories focusing on people from marginalized communities just growing up, figuring out life. Everyone deserves to see themselves in coming of age movie!
NOW & THEN
Obviously, Now & Then is on this list. I started watching this movie regularly from the time I was 8 or 9 years old. Sam, Roberta, Teeny, and Chrissy were my best friends. More accurately, I wanted a friend group like theirs so badly growing up. I moved around a lot as a kid so having a steady best friend was hard enough but I was never lucky enough to acquire a BFF group that made pacts and bought treehouses. Side note: I talked about getting a treehouse so much as a kid. It’s all I wanted. I loved the idea of having a place away from adults that was our own. Even today, when I am driving past a backyard that has a treehouse, my heart hurts a bit.
PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER
Perks of Being a Wallflower is based on the novel of the same name that came out in 1999 but has remained a staple in the bookshelf of every teen who felt weird or like an outsider.
So when they made the movie 18 years after the book was published, I was hesitant to watch it. I finally did a few months ago and thought it was just as (or very nearly) great as the book.
“Perks”, as the die-hard fans call it, is a must-watch for the coming of age genre.
LADY BIRD
Watching Lady Bird, I couldn’t help but search for moments of relatability, which wasn’t hard. I went to an all-girls high school in a city that was so dull it made me want to claw my eyes out. I also made it my mission to go to college out of state. And I dreamed of throwing myself out of a moving vehicle driven by my mother, many times.
Beyond all that, I just found the story to be so endearing, and sometimes biographical, because of how determined, headstrong, and argumentative the lead character is, despite the fact that she is still figuring everything out and is constantly met with growing pains and failures. That is something I can definitely relate to.
Anyway, it’s hilarious and real and beautiful.
PREMATURE
When I say that I loved this movie, it’s an understatement. I thought it was perfect. It’s a coming of age story set in the summer in New York City. It’s also got a very hot romance, which is somehow bridled with a very realistic depiction of a relationship. Premature is one of those quiet, sometimes slow-moving movies that you can’t stop watching because it’s so deeply relatable.
I can’t say enough good things about this movie. You can stream it on Hulu.
ALL I WANNA DO
This is probably the only movie on here that’ you’ve not only never seen but never heard of. And let me explain why.
“All I Wanna Do” is known by two other names (depending on which country you’re in), the other two are “Strike!” and “The Harry BIrd”. No matter the name, the movie was very under the radar and undeservingly so.
How did I come across it? Well, growing up, my stepmom collected movies — hundreds, if not over a thousand, movies. She had a huge bookshelf in her laundry room filled with VHSs. All of which is a topic for another day. So, she had this obscure film.
I gravitated to it because it takes place in a boarding school on the east coast, which was my DREAM growing up but my mom said I can’t because “I was being selfish and I only wanted to do it to hurt her” (because she’d miss me? idk). But anyway, I just love all-girl boarding schools,
But the biggest reason I love it is that it’s all about feminism, female friendships, and taking down the patriarchy (in a white woman way).
EDGE OF 17
I just saw this for the first time a few months ago and I LOOOOVED it.
One of the most underrated movies of the last few years, The Edge of Seventeen, is cute, hilarious, and relatable. This coming of age tale is about a high school loner who has shut everyone in her life out and really illustrates the importance of connection.
It’s like a Brene Brown talk but with more laughs and Woody Harrelson.
MONA LISA SMILES
Probably not “technically” coming of age because they are all in college. But I think your college years are an especially painful, beautiful, and informative time for people, especially women.
Like “All I Wanna Do”, this is very much about white wealthy women discovering and finding their voices and navigating feminism in the 1960s at a school in the east coast (wow that’s a lot of similarities) but I still think it’s still awesome.
DOPE
Is there a name for a movie, or type of story, that’s told in one day? A one-day narrative? That’s probably not it but anyway I love those movies.
Dope is about tripod of best friends in LA, Malcolm, Jib, and Diggy, who are obsessed with all things 90s (music, fashion, etc). And somehow they come into a huge bag of ecstasy. All sorts of comedic adventure ensue as they try to get rid of it, or sell it, or return it to the rightful owner.
THE VIRGIN SUICIDES
I saw this movie and also read the book WAY TOO YOUNG, like 12–13 years old, because, amongst other things, it is about suicide. But I also read Girl, Interrupted around the same time, so I was doomed.
I remember putting this quote in my AIM profile in 8th grade:
Doctor: “What are you doing here, honey? You’re not even old enough to know how bad life gets.”
Cecilia: “Obviously, Doctor, you’ve never been a 13-year-old girl”
Even today, this movie gets me and all my dark and scary depression. Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to talk about a lot — being sexually assaulted, my parent’s divorce (unless it benefited the parent I was speaking to), my insecurities, and overall, just my sense of being alone. Subconsciously, I sought out books and movies like this to feel less alone.
BACHELORETTE
And that’s what Bachelorette does. It’s about four best friends from high school, one of whom, Rebel Wilson, is getting married. And this causes the other three to really examine their lives, over the course of a wild night It’s a fast-paced movie that is funny but sad and dark. I love it.
